The Culture of “I’m Offended”

HappinessWe have a culture that seems to grow through the internet. People who state they are offended by something someone posts or shares online through social media, blogs, and websites. They are the ones who unleash a firestorm for something religious/political/[insert favorite controversial topic here] and usually end with, “I’m unfriending/unfollowing you!” We have open letters, apology letters, and blog posts that center around perceived offenses and it just multiplies each day.

There are occasions in which it is appropriate to take offense, but we don’t have to. If I were to call you the pimple on an elephant’s ass, you have every right to take offense. I attacked you personally. Or you could just ignore me and go on with life because I likely did it just to get a rise out of you.

If I am stating something that is my opinion, my experience, my perspective, it is about me and no one else. If you tell me you’re offended by something that is about me and expect me to fall on my knees and beg for forgiveness, it won’t happen. It just won’t because you are choosing to get angry over something that has nothing to do with you.

I felt the need to write about this after a little Twitter exchange earlier this week because it applies to our health issues. If you’re reading this, chances are you have Celiac, non-Celiac gluten intolerance, and/or food allergies. Or you’re a good friend/family member being uber supportive of my folly. It is easy for us to get angry and lash out online (or in person) when someone doesn’t understand and we feel like they should because we’ve been dealing with this long enough, dammit. Right? We want to scream and yell because the person made a joke in an attempt to understand, but it failed. Or it came off sounding like a joke, but you interpreted it wrong because they only have 140 characters to convey their message. Seldom, do we step back and think about their position because we are so wrapped up in our own.

Go ahead, be offended by these people. But understand that taking offense and railing at them gets you and us nowhere. They are no closer to understanding than they were to begin with and they will likely make generalizations about all of us as militaristic and crazy.

Right or wrong, many people make jokes as a coping mechanism to deal with an unknown. So we need to take a hard look at what we choose to take offense over. Is it a personal attack? Is it a troll whose sole purpose is to offend? Is it someone sharing their experience and we just don’t like/agree with it? Is it someone trying to gain understanding for our lives but flounder over what words to use?

“If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail” (Abraham Maslow). And, no one wants to interact with Oscar the Grouch 24/7 whether in person or online. I minimize my time with negativity because it adversely affects me. I pick up and absorb moods, attitudes, accents, words, phrases, etc. I am acutely aware of every vibe the people around me give off, even online. Example, if Chaz gets mad at another driver and is still enraged about it ten minutes later, I’m on edge and jittery. Because of this, I have unfollowed bloggers and tweeters who put out nothing but negativity. The beginning of this month I declared a Facebook break because I was seeing too many people being judgmental and negative about little things that shouldn’t even matter. I’m a lot happier not scrolling through my Facebook feed even though I miss out on what my family and friends are up to.

If I were to yell, put down, and condemn every single person in my life who made a mistake about my health conditions when all they really were doing was trying to understand, no one would ever invite me over again. If every Christmas I responded to one of my in-laws saying, “The ham is gluten-free!” with an angry retort of, “How do I know you didn’t add poisonous gluten to it?”, it would be the end of Christmas with the in-laws. If I showed up to every family function with the expectation that I be catered to and was not happy with the gluten/allergy-free choices then ranted to the host, it would be the end of family functions for us. If every person who made a joke online about gluten when they were only trying to understand and I made a snide comment in return, I would only alienate them.

The tweet that enraged some people was about gluten in shampoo by a celebrity chef. It seemed to me he was making a joke because he didn’t understand and he said at the end of the tweet that he was confused. I knew this was a teaching moment and he had already received some angry tweets, including one from a blogger I stopped following long ago because of the constant negativity. I acknowledged that he was likely making a joke and told him that gluten in personal care products is an issue for those of us with Celiac. It really doesn’t take a lot to be nice. He tweeted back and thanked me while the other blogger tweeted us both ready to condemn. I refuse to go there when we need to be responsible. If we want society to understand our medical condition and needs we can’t beat them over the head when they get it wrong no matter how much we want to. We need to partner, be kind, and educate. We’ve already seen that media misleads when it comes to teaching the general public about gluten and the gluten-free diet. It is up to us to re-pave those roads and make sure everyone takes it.

Offended by this post? Refer back to paragraphs two and three above.

Gluten-Free In Las Vegas: Gonzalez Y Gonzalez

This is it. No backside for more options.

This is it. No backside for more options.

Mexican food is something I avoided eating out after having to give up dairy. Fixing it at home without cheese was fine because I could use diced avocado to replace the cheese texture for me. But eating out at Mexican restaurants while dairy-free is just not the same at all. Since I was able to tolerate cheese while we were traveling I decided I needed some Mexican food. 

We chose Gonzalez Y Gonzalez at the New York New York Hotel & Casino (again) because they have a dedicated gluten-free menu. It’s rare in my world that I find Mexican restaurants with dedicated gluten-free menus. Granted, the menu has only three items, but it is better than trying to go through the entire menu and rule things out. As always, I gravitate to the tacos to tell me how good the restaurant is as a whole. If the tacos are well-seasoned, chances are everything else on the menu is good. Also, I always go for the guacamole to tell me how good they are, too. A condiment/side dish made in-house should always please the palate.

Tacos Carbon

Tacos Carbon

The guacamole was made table side and we were able to choose what went into it. I like my guacamole without a lot of frills because I like the avocado to shine. And when avocado shines, my mouth is happy. For whatever reason, I said okay to jalapeño in the guacamole and nearly choked later in surprise at the heat as it completely by-passed my tongue and hit my throat. No bueno. The guacamole was good and the fact that it is made at the table made it better knowing it was fresh.

The tacos were seasoned reasonably well. Not as well as I would have liked, but considering we were much closer to the Mexican border than we are in Ohio, the quality of Mexican food increases exponentially. Seriously. I never understood how good I had it in Southern California until I was in Kentucky and everything was just…blah. It was not an issue when I was home in Hawai`i. I always made my own because if I went out, it was for local food, not Mexican. Unless I was going to Compadres with friends, but that’s a different story. Suffice it to say, my mouth was a lot happier with the Tacos Carbon than they are with the Mexican food in Cincinnati (and Kentucky).

How do you follow up a good Mexican meal while in Las Vegas? Walk over to the Coca-Cola store and M&M store, of course!

I may not be able to have M&Ms anymore, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying the store!

I may not be able to have M&Ms anymore, but it doesn’t stop me from enjoying the store!

Gluten-Free In Las Vegas: Rainforest Cafe

Las Vegas sunset from our room

Las Vegas sunset from our room

Our first day in Las Vegas included a show with Auntie Ai and Uncle Al. It was our third time in Sin City, but our first time going to a show. We decided to eat at Rainforest Cafe before the show because it was in the MGM, which meant not having to try to trek around the strip to get from dinner to the show.

We had never been to a Rainforest Cafe. The closest we ever came was walking by one. It’s kitschy as you would expect a chain restaurant like that to be. Part of me felt like I was eating in some restaurant in Disneyland with all the animatronics going on around us. It got a little distracting for me and our server was over-the-top. Not that having a server like that was bad, but he was one of those that was constantly checking on us (they weren’t crowded) and was on the perpetual up-sell. I’m not complaining. He was pleasant the whole time and had a trainee with him. As far as servers go, it could’ve been much worse.

Volcanic Cobb Salad

Volcanic Cobb Salad

Rainforest Cafe does not have a gluten-free menu so I had to work with our server to ensure a safe meal. Since I had such a heavy lunch, I went with a lighter dinner, especially since my body thought it was nearly midnight when we ate. I chose the Volcanic Cobb Salad because…bacon. Yes, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ll choose a dish because it has bacon. I had it without the egg and the cheese even though I was tolerating cheese at the time. They use bleu cheese on it and I am not a fan of those types of cheeses. They use a balsamic vinegar dressing and they toss it before serving it. If I chose to go back and have the same thing, I would ask for the dressing on the side. I’m all for balsamic vinegar, but a little goes a long way. Chaz had a chicken dish that I had thought about getting and he was not thrilled about. The chicken was cold, like they had just taken it out of a cooler instead of being just taken off the grill. He wasn’t happy that he was 0 for 2 in food since we landed that morning. Pretty sad when you think about how he can have ANYTHING on the menu and I can’t.

After dinner, we walked over to the theater for Kà by Cirque du Soleil. It took us longer to get to the theater than we expected from inside the hotel because there was a rodeo going on that week in town. Las Vegas was full of cowboys and every hotel we walked into had some kind of nightly shindig going on just for the rodeo, most of which happened right in the middle of open floor like at the MGM. It meant we had to walk around instead of through.

I was excited about seeing Kà because it opened just a few months before we went to Las Vegas for the first time, but we didn’t get to see it. I knew virtually nothing about it other than it incorporated martial arts and fire. And if you know anything about me by now you know that martial arts and fire are right up my alley. The show had a little bit of everything in it and I’m glad I chose it as our first Las Vegas show and our first Cirque du Soleil show. And I enjoyed being with my auntie and uncle for a couple of hours.

Me and Auntie Ai

Me and Auntie Ai