I Need A Drink

Yesterday afternoon I made an attempt to sort out gluten-free liquor from the gluten laden liquor on our shelf.  I’ve had beer sitting in a corner ready to giveaway to anyone who wants it and I figured I could add to the giveaway.  Boy, was I wrong.

First off, I pulled out 3 bottles of vodka which I knew to have gluten in them thanks to Silly Sissy.  One of them was pretty nasty anyway so I just dumped out what was left.  So, two bottles started off my pile.  Progress!

I pulled out the Rumple Minze and didn’t see any information on the bottle like the vodka, so I went to my laptop to look it up.  I couldn’t find any manufacturer information on it.   All I could find was a blurb in Wikipedia saying it is German.  I did find through some other links that German produced schnapps are pretty much just fermented fruits, but many American produced schnapps add neutral grain alcohol, aka gluten.

Well, this led me to try to look up information on the schnapps I have.   Again, nothing on the DeKupyer website.  So I went fishing around other sites listing gluten-free alcohol.  I couldn’t find a thing about DeKupyer, but Hiram Walker is supposed to produce all gluten-free products and so is the parent company for Rumple Minze’s maker.   That still puts the DeKupyer products I have on the questionable list.

I turned to the rum next.  Captain Morgan – safe, except their Long Island Ice Tea Mix.  Sweet relief!  Then I turned to the Cruzan and Malibu rums we have (all flavored).  Again, I couldn’t find anything.

Gin, whiskey, scotch, and bourbon are all pretty much off the table.  No more Liquid Bourbon Balls for me at Derby.

The more I went through the bottles and couldn’t find information, the more frustrated I got.  Then I started just looking up lists people have made on their own of gluten-free alcohols.  I only got more frustrated because then I found conflicting information.  On the one hand, my Smirnoff is off-limits.  On the other, it’s okay.  I need a drink!  Well, testing one out at a time would work, I guess.  But, why expose myself to needless suffering?  As flashy as all these alcohol company websites are, they need to have allergen information somewhere on there.  I understand they don’t want to list ingredients because of proprietary information, but they can at least acknowledge that a known major allergen is used in their products.

You see, I had this grand idea that I would be able to compile a list of gluten-free alcohol for my friends who can’t have gluten.  It was a reminder to me that even best laid plans aren’t always the best.

In the end, I put everything back on the shelf to tackle another time.  It was either that or I spontaneously combust.  I think I’ll stick to water for now.