Getting It All Out

I have so much in my head, I’m not sure where to start. I’m still struck by feelings of humility and gratitude. I am a little emotional today, too. Not sure why, but little things are twisting my heart-strings and making me cry. I’m still decompressing after the last 2 days.

Yesterday, when I was done unloading my car at the office, I went home because all I wanted was to sleep. However, once I was lying down on my bed, my stomach decided it was going to challenge the need for sleep. My stomach always wins. Well, almost always. I really had no energy to fix anything so I decided part of my unwinding would be to treat myself. I spent a day and a half serving others and putting everyone else ahead of me and it was time to take care of me. I got out of my stinky polo shirt and went to hiko-A-mon for some sushi. It was fairly quiet and not busy. I read my book and enjoyed my food without feeling rushed.

When I left, I felt like I needed to stay outside since it was such a beautiful day. I put my book in the car and walked around Westport Village. It probably wasn’t the greatest idea since I was more exhausted when I returned home, but I got some sun and actually got to check out some of the stores I keep telling myself I will check out. Westport Village is a little shopping center that was very run down until it was mostly torn down and rebuilt. It’s very quaint and now full of restaurants, a gym, a coffee shop, ice cream shop, and a lot of boutiques. I didn’t go into many of the boutiques since I’m sure they are out of my price range and from the clothes I could see in the window, they weren’t my style either.

I lied down on the sofa when I got back and caught up on some TV shows. Or at least tried to. I had to stop in the middle of 24 to take a hot bath with mineral salts because my body was screaming out in pain. Yet, when I got in there, I couldn’t stay in long because I was so exhausted I was close to falling asleep in the tub. Not good. So, I got out and started back on the TV and intermittently closed my eyes in an attempt to sleep that never succeeded. In the midst of all that, I called the spa to schedule a massage. Luckily, they had appointments available today.

I finally decided I had enough and needed to do something for me again. This time something interesting and fun. I wound up at Village 8 to watch Green Zone. Yes, I’m a Matt Damon fan. Especially if it’s Matt Damon in an action movie. Those of you who know me, know that I love action movies. They are cathartic for me. I can be stressed out or angry or what have you and have that all go away while watching an action flick. Most of our DVD collection is action. I really enjoyed the movie, not only for the obvious and the cinematography, etc. The message I got from the movie really stirred me and made me think. At the climax of the movie during a double pursuit, I sat there thinking and hoping that the movie would somehow end differently than I knew it would since it was based on the search for WMD in Baghdad back in the Summer of 2003. I knew how it would end, yet I couldn’t let the hopeful part of me still think, Maybe, just maybe, it will work out the way I want it to. No such luck. But it did make me think more about our place in this world.

Who are we to think we know more about ruling a nation than others? Who are we to think we are better than people in other countries or even each other in our own country? I don’t think of myself better than anyone else. Sure, I may have skills that are better than someone else’s, but in the end, I’m no more important than you. I may not agree with the reasons for our Presidents sending troops to other countries, but I support our military. These men and women give up so much to serve for us and it’s the least we can do to support them even if we don’t agree with why there are where they are. I had the privilege of eating lunch with a former soldier on Monday at our conference. He now owns his own business refurbishing computers that are donated to his company. He talked at length about how he had no idea what to expect when he was going in, how it cost him his first marriage, how being a soldier was a priority, and how he didn’t know what returning from Iraq would be like. I have so much respect for my family, friends, and everyone who chose to serve and are currently serving our country. Yet, I keep coming back to that question, Who are we to think we know more about ruling a nation than others? There was a character in the movie that was the sage of the movie. He was the one that had the wisdom that needed to be passed on. In the end when he was asked why he did what he did, he simply said, “It is not for you to decide what happens here.” Indeed.

It took me awhile after that movie to get my thoughts sorted out. Well, I’m still sorting them out. But there is nothing wrong with that. These are the kinds of thoughts that become fodder for my writing.

I woke up this morning still sore and in pain, but I slowly got ready and dragged myself to the spa. I thoroughly enjoyed the massage since it’s been over a year since I’ve had one. I knew I’d need to return soon, too, because my body is a complete mess. I may be taking care of it nutritionally and physically, but I’m not taking care of it in the way I should to allow it to recover from stress. So, while I was feeling good and being led out of the massage room, I scheduled an appointment for a month from now. I need a happy body!

And that brings me to the fact that I know I’m not doing my NEWO workout today. I didn’t do it yesterday or Monday, but I was very physically active. Running around a hotel, taking stairs, standing, and dancing will get you a great workout. I have to keep telling myself that it’s okay to not do my workout today, or even clean, because my body is in recovery from the last 2 days still. Listening to Jonathan’s show today keeps helping me remember that. I’m already “in the game” as he says, but even people in the game need a breather when overexerted or injured. And our bodies do need recovery periods. I have to keep telling myself that to keep myself from putting on my shoes to go out for some interval training. Crazy right? I was just glad to have found something to help me add that exercise into my daily routine without making it complicated and I don’t want to lose the momentum I’ve built up.

I hope this wasn’t too unfocused. I just needed to get it all out!

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