You Can’t Have It!

Yesterday I was fighting a major craving all day.  I wanted a burger and I wanted it pretty darned bad.  I had to keep busying myself with something to deal with the cravings.  And it wasn’t necessarily the burger that I wanted, but the bun.  That fluffy glutenous wonder.

That had me thinking all afternoon.  Why am I craving bread?  I went for weeks without it just fine when I did the trial.  Then it hit me.  I always crave what I can’t have.  My ability to do well with my diet change is due to the fact that I’ve chosen to ditch the unhealthy stuff.  I don’t have it because I don’t want it, not because I can’t have it.  Gluten isn’t a choice for me anymore.  Well, it could be a choice.  I could choose to eat it anyway and feel worse that I do now.   That’s not an option though.  I know it can be a choice in the future.  I know that food sensitivities can fade after not being exposed to them for periods of time.  That’s the future though.  I’m dealing with the now and my tendency to have difficulty when told I can’t have something.  You should see me when I get ready for a colonoscopy.  I’m miserable and stay in all day.  I can’t eat anything but Jello and broth the entire day before and then can’t have anything to eat after 5pm.  I tried to “load up” on broth and Jello the day before my last colonoscopy.  If you can “load up” on broth and Jello.  I was constantly eating so I wouldn’t feel so hungry that night.

The want-it-when-I-can’t-have-it doesn’t apply to just food for me.  I’ve always been the type if  you tell me I can’t do something, especially if “because you’re a girl” was tacked on to the end, I would set out to prove you wrong.  Just ask the boy in 2nd grade who made a bet with after he proclaimed that boys were stronger than girls.  The bet?  That I could give him a bloody nose.  He ran in one direction with a bloody nose and I ran in another to hide, afraid I’d get in trouble.  I think he was too embarrassed to rat me out.  It was the 70s and he would have been teased mercilessly.  Not like that wouldn’t happen today, but I think this younger generation is being raised to think differently than many of my generation.

I was talking to Silly Sissy last night when a Taco Bell commercial came on and I thought, well maybe if I substitute one fast food craving with fast food of another kind, I might be able to curb the craving.  I was thinking along the lines of a taco salad from Taco Bell minus the shell.  Then, I told her about my hamburger craving.  Turns out she was enjoying one from Jack-in-the-Box the same time my craving started.  I blame you, sis!

I was plagued by being wide awake as soon as I got into bed last night. It was about 2am when I finally fell asleep.  I woke up tired, but not craving a burger!  Nor did I wake doubled over from cramps  as I was expecting.  I did feel a bit off while getting ready and felt the edges of the pain trying to creep in.  However, it abated by the time I got settled into the office.  I’m not holding my breath though.  They could hit me at any time and I’m well aware of how my body will trick me at times.

For now, I’m going to enjoy not feeling like crap.

One share before I leave you.  I don’t think I could replace a burger, or even a chicken sandwich with this new Double Down sandwich that KFC is rolling out soon.  Thank you to my friend who posted the article on my wall for me.  I got major indigestion just looking at the picture.