Setbacks

Oh what the hell she says/I just can’t win for losing/And she lays back down (Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas)

I’ve wanted to share that song with everyone for a while now and right now is better than any.  Why?  Rob Thomas wrote that song for his wife, Marisol, who has an auto-immune disorder.  His view of her in this song is how I felt day in and day out over a year ago.  It’s how I’m feeling right now.  For some reason, foot pain has decided to revisit.  It was so bad last night that elevating my feet wasn’t helping and I decided to draw a hot bath.  I poured in a bunch of bath salts (my own mix of sea and mineral salts) knowing it would help ease the pain in my feet and the aches in my legs.  I left the bathroom for a few minutes, came back, and noticed the water level wasn’t changing.  Crap.  I turned the water off and heard the drain.  Dammit!  I don’t know how it happened.  I really don’t.  I stopped the drain for good this time and turned the water back on.  I left again for a few minutes and when I came back to check, the water was running cold.  Crap.  I turned it off yet again.  There was maybe two inches of water, and that’s a generous guess.  I climbed in anyway since the water was a good temp.  I must have caught it right as the water turned cold.  I was reading my book club book, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, and sat there reading.  Slowly the cold air started to seep in.  I tried the water again and it was warm, but by the time it hit the water, it was cold.  This turned water all cold.  I nearly started crying right there.  I was already feeling crappy from whatever was going haywire in my body and my relaxing bath turned into stress.  I climbed out and stared at the water.

And she says ooh I can’t take no more/Her tears like diamonds on the floor

This is where I started to cry.  I wanted to just fall on the floor right there and keep crying.  But, I knew it wouldn’t help me get what I wanted, which was a hot bath.  I kept staring at the water as I went through ways to get what I wanted, and needed.  I finally decided on using our hot water pot to heat water right there in the bathroom.  I tested the water after pouring hot water in 4 times.  No real change.  All the water was doing was keeping it the same temp.  More tears, but I kept at it.  I wasn’t getting anywhere and I was getting more frustrated.  I finally decided to check the water in the faucet again.  Jackpot.  It finally ran hot.  I finally got my hot bath and I finally relaxed.

She shuts out the night/Tries to close her eyes/If she can find daylight/Then she’ll be alright, she’ll be alright/Just not tonight

I fell asleep last night in the hopes that I would wake today feeling better.  Not so.  Not so.  I woke up feeling like I needed another night’s sleep.  I messed around on Facebook and avoided doing laundry.  I knew I couldn’t procrastinate any longer and got up.  I went into the kitchen to fix breakfast and got overwhelmed with thoughts of what needed to be done: fix breakfast, juice fruits and veggies, start more laundry…you get the picture.  I had no energy to keep standing there, let alone do any of those things, so I went back to bed.  I didn’t go back to sleep though.  I tried, but it wasn’t happening.  I decided to try a different tack and sat in front of the living room window to get some sun.  I think I sat there for about 30 minutes before I felt better enough to fix breakfast and start laundry.

I’m still not feeling quite right, but a little better.  Dishes are still undone because it’s either them or the laundry and at this point, the latter is more important.  I can only hope and pray this set back will be over by tomorrow because, I can’t take no more.

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