Oh what the hell she says/I just can’t win for losing/And she lays back down (Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas)
I’ve wanted to share that song with everyone for a while now and right now is better than any. Why? Rob Thomas wrote that song for his wife, Marisol, who has an auto-immune disorder. His view of her in this song is how I felt day in and day out over a year ago. It’s how I’m feeling right now. For some reason, foot pain has decided to revisit. It was so bad last night that elevating my feet wasn’t helping and I decided to draw a hot bath. I poured in a bunch of bath salts (my own mix of sea and mineral salts) knowing it would help ease the pain in my feet and the aches in my legs. I left the bathroom for a few minutes, came back, and noticed the water level wasn’t changing. Crap. I turned the water off and heard the drain. Dammit! I don’t know how it happened. I really don’t. I stopped the drain for good this time and turned the water back on. I left again for a few minutes and when I came back to check, the water was running cold. Crap. I turned it off yet again. There was maybe two inches of water, and that’s a generous guess. I climbed in anyway since the water was a good temp. I must have caught it right as the water turned cold. I was reading my book club book, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, and sat there reading. Slowly the cold air started to seep in. I tried the water again and it was warm, but by the time it hit the water, it was cold. This turned water all cold. I nearly started crying right there. I was already feeling crappy from whatever was going haywire in my body and my relaxing bath turned into stress. I climbed out and stared at the water.
And she says ooh I can’t take no more/Her tears like diamonds on the floor
This is where I started to cry. I wanted to just fall on the floor right there and keep crying. But, I knew it wouldn’t help me get what I wanted, which was a hot bath. I kept staring at the water as I went through ways to get what I wanted, and needed. I finally decided on using our hot water pot to heat water right there in the bathroom. I tested the water after pouring hot water in 4 times. No real change. All the water was doing was keeping it the same temp. More tears, but I kept at it. I wasn’t getting anywhere and I was getting more frustrated. I finally decided to check the water in the faucet again. Jackpot. It finally ran hot. I finally got my hot bath and I finally relaxed.
She shuts out the night/Tries to close her eyes/If she can find daylight/Then she’ll be alright, she’ll be alright/Just not tonight
I fell asleep last night in the hopes that I would wake today feeling better. Not so. Not so. I woke up feeling like I needed another night’s sleep. I messed around on Facebook and avoided doing laundry. I knew I couldn’t procrastinate any longer and got up. I went into the kitchen to fix breakfast and got overwhelmed with thoughts of what needed to be done: fix breakfast, juice fruits and veggies, start more laundry…you get the picture. I had no energy to keep standing there, let alone do any of those things, so I went back to bed. I didn’t go back to sleep though. I tried, but it wasn’t happening. I decided to try a different tack and sat in front of the living room window to get some sun. I think I sat there for about 30 minutes before I felt better enough to fix breakfast and start laundry.
I’m still not feeling quite right, but a little better. Dishes are still undone because it’s either them or the laundry and at this point, the latter is more important. I can only hope and pray this set back will be over by tomorrow because, I can’t take no more.